Where to begin
A lot has changed in my life in the last few months.  I have a roommate. His name is Chris, and he's gay and Vegan and we cook together a lot and so far, it's been a pretty harmonious cohabitation.  Earl has been a bit of a hindrance, as she's now managed to get on the counter and eat various and assundary items, but beyond that, it's done good things for both of us (I hope).  I still do not have a job, and I kind of don't know what to do about that in this tiny town without much opportunity, but that is eclipsing the biggest news of all...I AM AN AUNT!!!!!!  My nephew was born 8 lbs. 8oz. and 21.5" long, and his name is Max.  My sister is elated, exhausted, and overwhelmed, but we're all glad that both mother and baby are healthy and happy.   Fandom-wise, I've become obsessed with Dexter and Breaking Bad again.  I'm going to be sad when those two shows are over!  I'll need something else to watch.  I've also been watcching Orange is the New Black on Netflix.  It's actually really well done, and I am eagerly awaiting the next season.  Other than that, no real news to report.  Just kind of floundering, and I hate that, but eh...I guess muddling through is just part of life.  I've been sick with a bad head cold for a few weeks now.  It was a massive case of bronchitis at first with fevers and fatigue and the whole nine yards.  Now, my voice is still hoarse, and I can't really talk still, and my ears are still plugged up, but at least I can taste food again.  Mostly, I'm just waiting on the fall season to start up again.  Hope everything is going well with everyone.

One door is open...

Hope everyone had a great independence day who celebrates it!  Sorry it's been so long since updates.  The church job is over-with.  I even got to tell  my boss off!  And I got to storm out.  Not in the same day, but still, I got to do it, and while it might not've been the wisest professional move, it was awfully satisfying.  I mean, honestly, I wouldn't have gotten a recommendation from her anyway, or anyone else in that church, so...bridge has been burned.  And a new one must be opened.  I really don't know what I'm going to do next.  I've been applying to everything I actually qualify for, which in this town, isn't a hell of a whole lot.  In other news, I'm on a higher dose of anti-depressants after the news of the loss of my job sent me into a spiral where if it weren't in my animals, I wouldn't even get out of bed some days.  I feel like a zombie, but that's better than feeling like I was, so...in even better news, I'm getting a roommate before this month's end.  She's a friend of mine, and she loves my animals, we both like to cook, we love a lot of the same t.v. shows, and the best part is that it won't be permanent.  She will be having to commute to Jacksonville for her job, so she doesn't want this to be a long-term thing, and she and her boyfriend (who will be moving in also in August) will definitely be wanting their own place.  I should be more worried about going from zero people here to two, but honestly, I'm relieved.  It'll be nice to have people around.  Crystal has been a postiive influence on me, and as long as everyone's above-board, I don't foresee any issues.

Well, then.
I just got a call from my boss.  Apparently we are down to three regular attendees in our church, and the Bishop has said we need to set a close date, so the close date has been set for July 1st.  I have just submitted the last month of hymns I will ever submit to my boss.  She apparently pissed off the one well-to-do couple that was still coming, and so that's that.  I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. Although, on a positive note, DC WAS A BLAST!!!!  The wedding was so sweet and fun and perfect.  I stayed in a suite for free in a swanky hotel where Obama fillmed one of his campaign ads during his first term.  Hillary Clinton stayed there as well apprently, and I got to see Air Force One land.  My sister is in town this weekend for her baby shower, which will be tomorrow.  Other family coming in town tomorrow for that, so it'll be great seeing them.

Still alive
Hi everyone! So sorry i'ts been so long since an update.  I read my flist still, just not a whole lot to report, so haven't really had anything much to say.  I got a new laptop.  Her name is Nancy.  My macbook finally crashed, and since I don't have the money for a macbook, I had to get a PC.  Windows 8, How do I hate thee?  Let me count the ways.  If I really needed my computer to operate like a cell phone, I'd just get a thinkpad.  I mean really?  Are all those apps absolutely necessary?  Also, I miss Word.  In other news, bought an 88-key touch-sensitive keyboard with a stand and bench.  I have a thing against keyboards, but this one is nice and portable, so yay.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    In other news, I have begun to study to sell life-insurance.  Soul-crushing, I know, but I honestly can't think of anything else to do for money at this point.  My church job si almost certainly going to be up by January, which is, for everyone who's read my countless rants about work, a blessing of sorts, but working on a job that is solely commission-based isn't giving me a good feeling, but at least it's something.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             In TV, I'm hopelessly addicted to Community, Revenge, and Supernatural.  I was completely irritated by the Castle season finale, and although the Glee season finale was anti-climactic, I understand why it might've needed to be like  that.  Once Upon a Time had me WTF-ing last night in all kinds of bad ways.  Also, SO FREAKING EXCITED for S.H.I.E.L.D.  Seeing Joss on TV again is making me look forward to the new fall season.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Back from the loony bin...no...really.
I don't know where to begin with the previous eight days. 

I have recently been diagnosed with manic depression, and I've known I needed new medication for quite some time, and lately, with my overdoses on klonopin mixed with wine (yes, I know how dangerous that can be...no, I wasn't doing it just to get attention...I was actually at the point where I cried because I had to face another day.  Here in town, I'm alone and isolated.  I would have panic attacks just going to Target because I felt judged, or because I'd have to go to sleep at night alone, at least before Earl came along.)

Anyway...so I told my therapist about what went on with me and my overdoses towards the beginning of the week.  She recommended that I check into a psychiatric hospital.  A psychiatric hospital would be a "safe place" she said to "monitor any issues" with medication.  So after consideration, I did.  

I checked into St. Simon's By the Sea, and honestly, this place makes the asylum in AHS look like the Goddamn Hilton.  I'm exaggerating, yes, but only slightly.  Only by virtue of the lack of shock therapy.  

I am writing a formal grievance letter regarding my treatment in this special circle of hell.  

1) In this hospital (and I use this word loosely), there are the drug and alcohol addicts, the depressives, and the serious crazy nut-jobs who can barely carry on a sentence.  These are the people who have hallucinations, have thoughts of violently harming themselves or others, or otherwise act out violently.  

I was placed on this floor.  

There was a woman there whom I will refer to henceforth as Ursula, because that's what I came to call her behind her back.  She would cuss at all the staff at all hours of the night.  She constantly interrupted.  She would storm out.  You know those old Magic Bullet Infomercials?  
In case you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the woman a

around 2:30.  

Anyway...Ursula/Hazel stole several of my belongings (I know this because I would find them in her room days later).  She actually knocked a cup of hot coffee out of my hand a tech was kind enough to get for me.  I couldn't even go through a door without her butting her way through.  I just can't emphasize enough how horrid this individual was.  I am probably going to have nightmares about her tonight.  I will divulge more details about all this later, but it got to the point where she was screaming bloody murder at me all the way down the hall, and I was screaming bloody murder right back.  I got one roommate my first night there at 2am who talked in her sleep and saw circles and couldn't really carry on a full sentence which was super fun, but not nearly as fun as the roommate who wouldn't stop screaming in "pain."  

After explaining to a doctor that the reasons for my depression were things that were best fixed on the outside and I needed to be released a day early, I was literally told "I don't have time" to release you today."

I am exhausted.  Too exhausted to go into more details than that, but I will regale you with more of this sordid tale in the next entry.  I have so much to say about the psychiatric profession, about that place specifically...it may be a whole series of entries.  But anyway, I am about to face-plant, and can't wait to catch up on TV.

Hope everyone is doing well and if you have a long weekend this weekend, may you enjoy it immensely! :)

(no subject)

So I hope everyone had a fantastic new year!  

I wound up going to a bar I frequent sometimes with Shaun, and because The Earl of Puppydom, I am now up at the butt-crack of dawn to walk her, so I had to get back over.  I am now also a proud owner of a Keurig, which is seriously the best thing I've ever gotten.  I never understood the whole coffee thing until I got Earl, but now that I have to be up so early every morning, coffee is now necessary for me to function.  I now have Pike's Place and Breakfast Blend K-Cups, as well as Green Tea.  I saw Les Miz on Christmas Day and although it was largely fantastic, Amanda Seyfried annoyed the hell out of me, but will I be buying the DVD when it comes out again?  Hell yes.

So I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've posted.  Things have been a bit crazy.  

I've been cleaning like a fiend lately to prepare for a roommate because the financial situation right now has kind of made that necessary, and downsizing my closet space, and wound up donating a shit-ton of clothes to goodwill.

Wednesday, I played a concert at the Jacksonville Public Library, and the first piece was a disaster, but I redeemed myself on the Fantasia.  I have advertised for a roommate on Craig's List, but so far, I've had about two replies, one of which was almost uncertainly a scam.  The other was someone who didn't reply after I made it clear that the price I listed was the final price...so...*sigh* this is a weird, scary process for me, but I lucked out in Knoxville with Kassie, despite the fact that we had our issues, and hopefully because it's my turf, it'll be easier to deal with.

Emotionally, I've been actually pretty stable lately.  Teh Earl of Puppydom is largely to thank for that.  She's just the sweetest puppy in the whole wide world and makes me feel a lot less alone in the world.  The other reason I've been better lately is because I've sort of become involved with m_malcontent, and while it's not certain how it's going to work as he's in Texas and I'm in Georgia and I really didn't want a LDR and neither of has the ability to move...it's been...quite an interesting development.

Also, I've been working on arrangements lately.  I've been tooling around with Disney music, kid's songs (like a jazzy version of C is for Cookie), and songs that are not often aired on the radio, like Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (not to be confused with 50 Ways to Say Goodbye, although that might make an interesting mash-up).  I want to do a mash-up of Hazy Shade of Winter with California Dreamin'.  I want to do enough that I can have a  playlist for a library or something once I finally get a keyboard.

My birthday is in a few weeks.  I'll be 35.  That's a little hard to believe.  Also, I'm still lacking a job, which needs to change desperately, but I'm kind of enjoying having the opportunity to do whatever I want with my time.  I've also been getting into water color and pastels.  I will get back to fics eventually, but for the moment, Raul the Muse is concentrating his energies elsewhere.

I've also decided to get a writer's group going.  I don't quite know how this is going to work, but I really need something to motivate me on original projects, and plus, it's a good way to make local connections, which I need badly.  I am volunteering with Golden Isles Arts and Humanities now, and I had a fun time manning the refreshments table with my therapist.  We wound up getting paired together by complete coincidence.

As for TV.  Enjoying Castle this season quite a lot, as well as Once upon a Time, and I think I might be one of the few who Glee hasn't completely disappointed.  I really have gotten into Supernatural on a ridiculous level and the fact that The Vicar of Dibley and West Wing streams on Netflix now makes me waaaay too happy.  Still though, I need a job so I can continue to afford wi-fi and Netflix.  I just wish the economy would pick up a little.

How's everyone else doing?  I haven't even had time lately to check my flist!  I will catch up I swear!

(no subject)
Christmas was lovely!  I got a set of water colors and a couple of pads and an easel and some pastels and I'm really excited to figure out how to use everything!  Also, my sister announced that she's having a baby!  Mom has already called him/her Blueberry because she's about the size of one, but because of my sister's previous miscarriage, she's tentative about telling the rest of the family.

So the reason I haven't written anything new fic-wise in awhile is I've been going through some emotional stuff lately, but I think the worst of the storm has passed, mostly due to Earl.  It's kind of amazing what dogs can do for your mentality.  I mean, I love Spooky and he's an awesome cat, but Spooky doesn't need me the way Earl does.  And it's just nice to have someone curled up at my feet every night and it's great to belong to someone and to be responsible for someone else and have a reason to be out of bed at a god-awful hour.  

I never understood the appeal of coffee in the morning until I began getting up for Earl at 7 and in that spirit, I bought a Keurig machine with my Christmas money.  I had a cup of chammomille tea to christen it and now I have a cup of breakfast blend ready to go in the K  Keurig for the morning.  

Next on my list of things to buy is a keyboard.  I need a light-weight portable one that I can carry around and take with me to gigs and stuff.  I am also trying to get a local writer's group off the ground.  I really, really need a job but since there aren't many available...I'm trying to focus on the things I CAN do, and at least starting a writer's group would look good on a resume.  

(no subject)
Christmas always sneaks up on me, and this year is no exception, but I kind of got the best Christmas present from the universe EVER this year.

Her name is Earl.  I've tried changing it to other things, but Earl insists that's her name.  She's a Heinz 57...mostly lab/german shepherd/chow/pointer/little bit of everything.  She's a total snuggle-bunny and has been sleeping with me since she's been here, as well as Spooky.  It's really hard to be depressed when you're sandwiched between two of the world's sweetest animals.  I am up at 7 every morning to walk her, and so far my mood has been vasty improved with her around.  She's leash-trained, crate-trained, house-broken...everything.  The only thing I'm finding challenging is teaching her the commands 'stay' and 'down.'  

And here is her picture...


(no subject)
So here's what's been going on with me this week, and why i've  been so in absentia lately.

Cut for whining and triggery depression stuffCollapse )

(no subject)
So...a lot going on! 

On the 8th, I have a paying gig!  It's at my parents' house, but still!  Paid!

Also, I had a photoshoot on Thursday.  I still have not seen the proofs yet, but I'm guessing they'll be available by tomorrow, and also tomorrow, I'm going to the Jacksonville Zoo with ladiosa whom I haven't seen in forever!

I also am starting a local writer's group at the beginning of the year.  If I do not do this, I think right now my best bet is to just pack my shit up and drive to NYC and stay with my aunt until I can find work, because right now, the only job available is the old job I had for a day.  Holiday work is gone.  I'm kind of at the end of my rope here, and if I can't get my novel finished, let alone published, I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

In fandommy news, I am still watching my regulars (Once Upon a Time, Revenge, Castle, Glee, American Horror Story)

Let me tell you my spoilery thoughts on them!Collapse )
Tags: ,